The First Step: Self Awareness
“He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool; shun him.
He who knows not, and knows that he knows not, is a student; Teach him.
He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep; Wake him.
He who knows,and knows that he knows, is Wise; Follow him.”
― Unknown
You are on your own individual journey through life. Your journey is completely yours and no one else has the same one. They may have similarities; same job, same town, same hobbies. But the way you incorporate that into your life is totally unique. This means that no one else can tell you where you are on your journey. Only you can decide where you are. You could be 30 years old but at the very beginning of changing your whole life. You could be 18 and at the end of your journey in school. You could be 1 year into a job but ready to quit because you don’t feel fulfilled.
If you’re reading this then you’re the type of person that is looking to take control of your own journey in life, whether that’s the whole thing all at once or one particular part. This means you're close to the first step, self awareness.
If you start taking steps in any direction because someone else has told you to or because you are trying to mimic their success then you are setting yourself up for misery. You will either fail along the way or complete the journey and then realise that you have completed someone else’s journey and not your own. This doesn’t mean you can’t learn from others or take their advice. But if they are moving you in any direction then you aren’t living your own life, you’re living theirs.
Self awareness is the ability to stoically and logically analyse yourself in all situations. For most people the first time they do this will be reflecting on past experiences and having a sense of guilt knowing how they acted or reacted in a certain situation. For example, if you have an argument with someone and start shouting at them, calling them names while being aggressive most people would reflect and consider how they looked from an outside perspective regardless of the way they felt at the time.
It isn’t all doom and gloom. Even when you have a positive experience you should be able to self analyse yourself and understand why it was a good experience. This then leads to being able to repeat the experience.
The whole principle of self awareness is to be able to analyse yourself, understand how you feel, and control your emotions to act or react in an appropriate and positive way. That doesn’t mean you have to be nice when someone is attacking you. If someone is about to punch you in the face a positive reaction is to move or block and then punch back, defending yourself from physical harm. This can apply to small individual situations or your life as a whole. And for most that is the big question. Where are you in your journey of life? Are you happy with where and who you are? Do you aspire for something different or more from life? By answering these questions you can then start to build a life that gives you the answers you want.
Self awareness all starts from asking yourself why. The ability to answer logically without emotion while being able to state facts is key. If you react with emotion you’ll never get to the real truth. Once you’ve learnt to do this and you have answered why you then ask yourself why again. You keep doing this until you can’t answer any more. With practice and experience you’ll be able to either ask yourself why over and over again because you can break down each answer logicalling or you answer only once because you have elevated to having an understanding of why you and people act the way they do.
The greatest example of people who can’t self analyse are those that are medically obese. Apart from a few medical conditions, every person who is overweight has caused it themselves. They are the ones who chose to eat chocolate and cake every single day and not once exercise. However, because they aren’t self aware of how overweight they are or how badly it affects their health they blame outside factors. Because they blame someone or something else they become powerless to make change. These people tend to share a common trait of being unhappy with their own life.
Happiness, in my opinion, comes from the ability to elicit change in your own life to be the way you want it to be. The joy that comes from it doesn’t come from the final outcome but the sense of accomplishment, fulfilment, and satisfaction from completing the work it took to achieve the final outcome.
When you achieve self awareness you will see not just yourself but the whole world in a new way. Understanding why people do the things they do and seeing that most people spend their entire lives completely lacking any sense of self awareness. When you become self aware you unlock the ability to make change in your life. The next step is taking responsibility for your life and taking action to facilitate the change you want which I cover in a different article.
So if you feel like you aren’t happy with your life or one particular part of it, your job, relationship, health or more, then try it for yourself. Try the why exercise on yourself and see what answers you come up with. If you want help in understanding this more or want to talk about becoming more self aware send me a message on my website or instagram and we’ll discuss how I can help. I’ll leave you with an example using the overweight man previously mentioned to see more clearly how it all works.
Example:
Statement: I am unhappy.
Why am I unhappy?
Answer: because I’m overweight
Why am I overweight?
Because eat too much food and don’t exercise
Why do I eat too much food and don’t like to exercise?
Because I have no control over my impulse to eat and don’t feel like exercise
Why do I have no control over my impulse to eat?
Because eating makes me feel better
Why does eating make me feel better?
Because I find comfort in food
Why do I find comfort in food?
It’s an easy way to deal with negative emotions
This shows that being overweight and unhealthy is not just caused by the physical actions that lead to increasing body weight but all starts from a mental and psychological place in the person. The solution here would be to find a way for this man to take control of his actions and a way to deal with those negative emotions in a more positive way.